I'm an AFAB nonbinary person in my early twenties, and I've been running into an issue lately, which is that I have been masturbating a lot. And trust me, I don't think your version of a lot is the same as mine.

Let me back up, though. I am not interested in sex outside of a relationship, hate dating apps, and haven't really been in any relationships (I'm a virgin). While I am interested in dating eventually, meeting people isn't really a high priority right now due to some personal things I'm working through and how busy I am in other parts of my life. I'm generally fine with this status quo.

However, in the past six months or so, it's gone from being a 2-3 times a week thing (which is how it's been for years) to once a day, to, in the past month or so, 3 times a day on average (and sometimes up to 8-9 times without feeling completely satisfied). It doesn't seem like a psychological compulsion, as I'm able to stop and I don't go to extreme measures to do so if I don't have space to do it privately, but I do feel really sexually frustrated when I skip it. It just feels like I have a really overactive sex drive, which I don't want or have time to deal with!

Luckily I orgasm quickly and have invested in some vibrators that help cut down on the time it takes, but I still feel like I have to do it so much to not feel distractingly frustrating that it almost feels like a burden now. It used to fluctuate with my cycle (the typical hornier when ovulating pattern), but now it just seems like this all the time. What can I do about this, if anything? How abnormal is this? I'm too busy to be this horny!

Often this kind of libido boost is seen as reflective of good health -- as a result of lower stress or more exercise, for example. Still, if you're concerned, you could mention it during your next doctor visit as it marks a change in your body and you may want to get some tests to make sure everything is on the up and up. This may just be a routine matter of surging hormones, though -- estrogen levels are said to peak in one's mid-to-late 20s.

Obviously, this is nonetheless frustrating for you and you are managing it. You report that this is something controllable, yet inconvenient. I understand you have particularities about partnered sex, which is completely OK, but you might find that some of the frustration is alleviated if you were to direct your sexual energy toward a partner. For many this could be sheerly psychological but people do report a higher level of orgasmic pleasure during partnered sex. It's not guaranteed, but it's possible. Could that level of pleasure keep you sated for longer? Maybe there's a happy medium here to investigate via virtual/cam sex. I don't know if that would violate your self-imposed rules, but it sounds to me like your energy could use an outlet.

Otherwise, try mindfulness. If you don't meditate already, it can help you ignore or at least be OK with intrusive thoughts and impulses. Sometimes doctors will prescribe off-label antidepressants to reduce libido (SSRIs in particular sap some sex drives). But something like that could come with its own complications, so tread carefully there. When you do connect with a partner, this libido of yours may come in handy if the connection is strong, so I wouldn't do too much tinkering here, just managing in the meantime.

-- Rich

I'm an asexual, panromantic woman. I don't ever want to be touched sexually, but I still would like the intimacy that comes from sex, and I'm happy to provide sexual stimulation to my partners. What I struggle with is how to communicate this to them. When it's time to discuss it, they really don't get it. I wonder if they feel guilty for taking without giving back, or if it's simply just so unheard of that they don't know what to do with it. Is there some way to communicate this so my sex life can be fulfilling for everyone involved?