Dear Abby: My siblings and I are estranged. I live in a different state. My brother and I never got along and stopped speaking many years ago. My older sister and I, after a long, toxic relationship, finally had a blowout after Dad passed. We haven't spoken since. My younger sister took my older sister's side and doesn't speak to me either.

I have communicated briefly via text and email with all my siblings regarding my parents' trust and final matters. My sisters still insist on texting me birthday wishes. Because of this, I feel obligated to send them a birthday text as well. I stress out weeks before their birthdays because of it.

I felt peaceful after becoming estranged from my older sister. I have many feelings of resentment toward all my siblings for having taken advantage of my parents, especially this older sister. She lived with them rent-free for many years. She refused to get a job and wouldn't help out -- not even to clean their room when they were elderly. Doesn't estrangement include birthdays as well? Why do I feel this way?

-- Estranged 364 Days in Arizona

Dear Estranged: There is such a thing as righteous indignation. It appears this is what you may feel toward your siblings. Whatever closeness there may have ever been seems to have evaporated many years before your parents' deaths. Family estrangement is defined as the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members through physical or emotional distancing. This appears to accurately describe you and your siblings. If you prefer not to exchange birthday greetings, stop doing it. I suspect that once you quit responding and reciprocating, those greetings will cease.

Previously

Dear Abby: When do I reveal my cancer diagnosis to my date?

Dear Abby: How can I break the cycle of anger in my family?

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2025, Andrews McMeel Syndication.